July: The beginning of healing

The thought that changed everything:

I was amazed to see how a single thought could change my entire perspective on life. Although I had no clue where my healing would begin, all I knew was that I wanted to get healed. It’s true—our thoughts can attract the kind of life we want. So every now and then, I kept asking myself questions about this journey of self-improvement. My journey had little to do with my skin alone. I wanted an overall change because, after suffering for more than three months, I began to realize that my problem wasn’t superficial. Yes, the cause was cosmetic, but it was just a small trigger—a doorway through which my deeper issues, the ones I had stored for years, started to surface. Maybe it wasn’t just my skin asking for help. It was deeper. It was my body, my emotions, my traumas that wanted to be heard.

Learning to hold my head high:

At my workplace, I began carrying my head high. The darkness on my skin caught the attention of not only my co-workers but also my students. I noticed how girls—and even boys—would ask me about the sudden change in my face. Those who couldn’t ask directly would make gestures or whisper to one another. Of course, it made me self-conscious, but I made a vow to myself: no matter how many stares I attracted, I would keep my head high and wear a smile, even when uncomfortable questions came my way.

Redefining beauty and self-acceptance:

I started getting intentionally ready every morning—small earrings, sometimes big hoops, a bit of lip gloss, and an extra line of kohl inside my eyes. I won’t lie—it made my marks look even more visible. I felt insecure, not beautiful, but I still made an effort to look presentable. The mirrors denied the conventional definition of beauty whenever I looked at myself, yet I knew I had to open my inner eyes to see me truly.

The mantra that changed my energy:

In my search for healing, I kept looking for clues—Googling endlessly, watching YouTube videos, trying to find something that clicked. One day, while listening to some spiritual songs, I came across a particular chant that changed the course of my life: Ra Ma Da Sa. At first, it sounded like a religious song, but when I opened the link, I realized it was more about connecting with spirituality than praying to a particular god.

The chant had eight syllables: Ra Ma, Da, Sa, Sa, Say, So, Hung. I connected with its music instantly. I didn’t know what these sounds meant or represented, but meditating with them felt healing in itself.

Returning to the body through movement:

Around the same time, I restarted my workouts. At the gym, even my trainer noticed the darkening and asked me about it. The owner, too, was concerned—he told me his father had gone through something similar after using a hair color years ago. He even suggested some dermatologists, but after changing from one doctor to another, I decided to stick with one who prescribed only non-steroid creams. He also gave me a reality check: “Problems like these don’t heal overnight.”

Feeling supported from within:

I disciplined myself—I started eating intentionally too. Around that time, I developed a taste for ABC juice, which I would have every morning after twelve rounds of sun salutations. Yes, I had started doing Surya Namaskar too. I just wanted to move my body as much as I could. Every morning at 4 a.m., I began my day with a glass of warm water, grinding fresh juice, and drinking it after my sun salutations and some breathing exercises.

I won’t lie—there was still no visible change. In fact, my skin darkened again over time. But strangely, I began to feel supported. Yes, I cried; I missed my old skin. But still, I felt supported. I think that was the kind of support I had been longing for all along—the kind that comes from within.

With Love,

AY

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