July: Inner shift

"Sometimes it just takes an inward journey to figure out all the answers."

The breakdown that changed everything:

After my recent emotional breakdown and some frustrating encounters with people, I realized I was becoming someone I didn’t like—someone always irritated, always on edge. I stopped hanging out with friends, I stopped working out, and I stopped doing anything that required making eye contact with someone. Of course, I had to go back to work—how else would I pay my rent and bills? But even at the workplace, I kept my eyes low, my head tilted down, as if I had committed some invisible crime.

The face as a mirror of inner healing:

My skin hadn’t changed, but that wasn’t the real problem. It was something deeper. I was fed up—fed up with feeling low all the time, fed up with hiding from people, fed up with not making eye contact. I wanted to change, and that was all I knew. They say the face is the mirror of inner reflection. Until now, I had been treating my skin superficially, with creams and medicines. Of course, medication is important for treating conditions, but sometimes we need to understand the root cause; otherwise, it’s like just dusting the surface without removing the source of the dirt.

Crying through the 'why me' phase:

For months, I cried every single day after work. I would look at my old skin—my beautiful, glowing old skin—and keep asking why this had happened to me. I kept wondering—why me? I was never proud, I had never made fun of anyone; I had always been kind, so why was I suffering like this? Days went by, and I kept asking myself the same questions over and over.

A wake-up call from my partner that sparked emotional healing:

My partner was supportive, but even he was exhausted by my negativity. One day, he said something that stayed with me: I had two options. One, I could stay like this—crying, complaining, and bearing the weight of something beyond my control. Or two, I could show up for myself and wait for the day I’d make a comeback. He was right.

The desire to make a comeback:

I wanted to make a comeback like a warrior. I wanted to change—not just my life, but my entire nervous system. But I had no idea how, no idea where to start. Still, I knew one thing: I wanted to feel good about myself, even when there seemed to be nothing to feel good about. I didn’t want to be just a face.

I couldn’t afford to be cranky, because that would only aggravate my skin condition further.

Crankiness, after all, means higher levels of cortisol, which triggers more melanin production and eventually slows down the healing process.

The small seed of inner healing:

On the surface, I was doing everything I could to treat my skin—but something was missing. Maybe it was a small clue, a tiny piece of the puzzle that could, if not completely heal my skin, at least nurture my inner system. That small shift could encourage me, help me feel supported from within, and remind me that internal healing matters just as much as external.

I still couldn’t figure out my “how,” but even the thought of it made me happy. The next thing I knew, I focused on something entirely under my control—making eye contact, even if it felt scary. Dressing up for the day, even if it made my darkness more visible. And smiling—because the most natural healer I could ever have was my own smile.
I guess it's all about planting a small seed and letting it grow with the beautiful sunlight and water. It might take some time, but eventually it will flourish.

With love,

AY