Emotional breakdown (Part 2)

A painful walk back home:

Walking back home, I kept thinking about the comments made by my cousin. Of course, I had been having skin issues, and when people are used to seeing your clear skin, any change can be a shock. In the heat of the moment, they speak bluntly, often unaware of the effect their words can have.

My self-esteem had already been fragile for the past few months, but today it kind of broke down. I maintained a silent gaze, not wanting my other cousins to see what was going on beneath the surface, but deep down, I was yelling in pain, replaying every comment in a loop. I stayed quiet throughout the ride, and as we were approaching a café, my cousin suggested we have lunch there. I wasn’t in the mood to eat anything, but I didn’t want them to feel disappointed, so I went along.

A cafe moment of loneliness:

The café was full, so we had to wait a while before getting a seat. I could smell the fresh-brewed coffee, but even that didn’t lift my mood. Once a table in the corner opened up, we settled there. While scrolling through the menu, I secretly looked around at all the happy faces, none of whom had the skin issues I had been struggling with. Suddenly, I felt like a lonely individual surrounded by strangers.

I couldn’t hold my gaze for long, so I took out my phone and started scrolling to distract myself. But the burden of tears I had been holding in for so long couldn’t stay inside any longer. Just like that, tears started rolling down my cheeks. I tried to hide them from my cousins, but it felt impossible. I cried without holding back, without worrying about who was watching.

Comfort in a cousin's hug:

My cousin came to me and comforted me with a hug—a warm, tender hug that I had been longing for a very long time. She reassured me, saying it was inevitable that my other cousin would make those comments and convinced me that, sooner or later, my skin would improve. She encouraged me not to dwell on the words and to continue with the treatment I had been following.

Hearing her words, my heart melted. It felt as though a huge block of emotional weight had been lifted from my chest, and for the first time in a long while, I felt free.

Reflecting on fragility and self-reflection:

Afterwards, we had lunch in laughter.
Walking back home was quiet. My cousins kept chatting about things that could have easily distracted me, but on and off, my mind kept replaying the same conversation with my other cousin. Something must have triggered me — or hurt me so deeply — that a shy person like me had a nervous breakdown, that too in public. I wasn’t embarrassed by that. Instead, I was worried about how fragile I’d become inside, that I couldn’t handle even a little criticism from her.

Hurtful comments do break you:

I know her tone was harsh. And of course, when we’re already going through any kind of appearance-related suffering, our self-esteem is below the line. But people don’t realize that. In the name of being blunt, they say things that can shake a person’s entire nervous system. The same happened to me.

Crying it out and finding peace:

When we reached home, I made an excuse about feeling tired and went straight to my room — I still had some wailing left to do. I wanted to cry harder, louder, until no tears were left. I was angry with myself for being so emotional, which only made me more emotional. And once the tears were gone, I slept peacefully, like a hungry baby who couldn't find its mother around.

With love,

AY