Letter to Universe: A letter from a woman healing from PIH, and how it affected her mentally.

Letter to the Universe.

Hello Universe,

It’s been a long time now since my suffering with the face PIH, and every day when I look into the mirror or scroll through my old pictures, I wonder — what did I do wrong to be punished like this?

Finally, after a long time, I had started living a happy life. I was damn happy last year. I had a gala time with my boyfriend and my family; it seemed like I was finally returning to my happy place. Until an eclipse came for me — not to cover me for a few minutes, but what feels like a lifetime now.

I never wished bad for anyone. Yes, I used to feel envy here and there, but never envious in a way that led to bad wishes for anyone. I was so self-involved in making my life the kind I always wanted. I was working hard day and night to achieve my dream of being a space scientist. I was so absorbed in my own world that it hardly mattered what others were doing.

I never put makeup on my face, never used any hair color — though it was always tempting. I was waiting for the day when I achieved something, to gift myself a makeover. But today, when I see my condition, all because of an indigo-based henna and the damage it left on my skin, I now wonder — will I ever get the chance to color my hair the way I always wanted? Will I ever put on that concealer to give my face a no-makeup makeup look? Will I ever be able to bathe in the sun the way I once loved? Will I ever walk in the sunlight the way I always wanted to?

I cannot share this with anyone, because I don’t know how to explain what is going on inside my mind. I have been suffering from mental issues for a very long time, but nobody cared, nobody asked anything — not even my parents or my family. But now, when they see my skin changing, they are cautious. They are scared. They want to get it treated like it’s just another illness. Honestly, I get so angry with them sometimes that I don’t feel like hearing their sympathies at all. Just because a condition is visible, they are there for me — and when there was no condition, nobody cared.

Is it because I am a woman, and a woman’s face is important in the marriage market?

Or is it because they genuinely care?

I feel terrible for thinking this way about my family, but the past couple of years have completely distorted my senses because of my suffering. And maybe because of that, I have learned not to share anything with anyone anymore.

All I have is you — and a deep faith in you — to reverse the condition I have been suffering from. Because you have seen me constantly, you have seen both my inside and outside struggles. You know me. And if there is any cure, you have it.

So please, tell me — what exactly do you want me to learn to move this eclipse away from my life forever?

With love,

AY