When I was fat, people called me fat and when I got thin people calls me thin.

Q: Why is it that when I gained weight in my teenage years, people used to call me fat, but then a few years down the line, I started getting fitter by working out regularly, but still people bodyshame me by calling me thin and weak. I don't really understand what I should do. Should I regain my weight, or should I keep on progressing on my workout journey?

A: I still remember the first time when I was introduced to the word "fat". I must be in the 9th or 1oth standard, when a family member unknowingly told my parents that I was chubby and a little bulky for my age. My mother, without any hesitation, told them that I was at an age when even having water can cause the body to plump, and once I go to college, I will be well aware of my body and will take better care by dieting and working out regularly. Of course, the concept of diet and exercise was alien to me back then, nor was the notion of bodyshaming. So I just moved on without giving it a thought until my periods started getting quite irregular.

I must be 18, and just like any other parent, my mother's concerns were over the top, and she decided to get all my hormones checked at AIIMS. Fortunately, all my reports were normal, and the gynecologist told her that irregular periods were quite common among young ladies, but one thing that I can do to get them on time is "work out". She told my mom that even 20 minutes of brisk walking daily can help me out with the problem. And thus I was introduced to the term "work out", not literally, but figuratively speaking.

At the age of 20, I started working out regularly for 20 minutes straight, where I would run briskly or sometimes jog. I had no idea how that brisk walking was changing my body appearance, but yeah, I started getting regular periods. In the meantime, I started losing a few inches here and there. People started noticing the changes and would often tell me that I had lost weight. I also started feeling happy and confident, as you know that how exercising daily can enhance your mood by releasing endorphins and dopamine, which in turn motivated me to start a fully fledged workout regime by joining a gym near my home. I was 26ish at that time and started working out regularly. I would lift weights, do cardio, and eat healthy food, but there was a sudden decline in the way people used to perceive me. Instead of getting compliments about my weight loss, I was flushed with all kinds of comments like- "you look weak", "you looked better before", "why did you have to lose weight?", "You were fine," and so on.

I was so surrounded by negative comments all the time that my confidence shattered, and in a while, I stopped working out altogether. I must have gained a few kilos, and one fine evening, my friend jokingly said that my thighs had gained so much fat that I looked like a dwarf now. I laughed it off as a joke, but the comment stayed with me for a long time. And guess what, I started working out again. It was like a domino effect. I would gain weight, people would joke, I would lose weight, people would joke, I would gain weight back, and so on.

But along the way, I didn't realise the negative effect it was causing to my body and my mind. Of course, working out is good, but working out for the sake of looking a certain way or for some external validation does more harm than good. I noticed that people's comments were motivating me to either look fat or fit. It seemed like I was constantly driven by external validation, and all these years, I conditioned myself to look a certain way only to impress others, not for myself. I was happy, healthy, and actually eating when my workouts were to make "me" feel healthy, but the concept changed for me when I started giving people a pedestal in my life. When I actually started listening to their comments, even when deep down I knew that many of them were meaningless.

So the thing is that people will never be satisfied, no matter what you do. You might be thick and beautiful, but still some people will find you too stout and manly. You might be gracefully slim or slender, yet people will find you too weak and fragile. So it's up to you what you want to be. If you're naturally voluptuous, you shouldn't try to fit into the mould of looking like a runway model, when in fact you could be a plus-size model. And if you're naturally slim, you shouldn't try to fit into the category of thick-bodied women. I mean, if you want to gain weight or lose it, it's your wish, but don't do it because people want something out of it. It should be something "you want".

In my case, I have accepted my body to be naturally plump. Yes, I work out regularly and eat healthy food, but not because I want to lose weight, but because I want to be fit and healthy. Even if that means eating healthy fats or carbs or indulging ocassionaly in an intentional treat. I give my body whatever it craves for but I am also mindful of moderation. I also know that my body is a temple, and it has to be treated respectfully. I am also aware of the fact that cleansing the body internally is also very important, and the most important part- I work out not to look slim or thick, I work out just to feel better than before.

Therefore, stop caring about people's opinions and start making a track of your progress. Because in the end it's "you" who should be happy, not the other way round.

Because, as Mahatma Gandhi said, 'Nobody can hurt you without your permission'.

With love,

AY