March– The month where it all began

New year, new me! How many of us look forward to celebrating the new year just to reinvent ourselves? Of course, every day is a new day to transform our lives, but that spark, that formidable motivation, the new year gives us is awe-inspiring. And with this particular thought, I decided to welcome 2025. Last year was an incredible year full of love, warmth, happiness, and the successful completion of a distant course, which I had been procrastinating on for two years. Also, I had my first solo trip to Varanasi, which enlightened me and gave me an insight into what I truly want and what I truly am. Along with that, I had family functions, which filled up a long, unsettling communication gap between me and my parents. And on top of that, I got to attend a Bryan Adams live concert, my first ever concert with my boyfriend. Overall, it was a nice year spent, and so my expectations for this year were slightly higher.

This year I planned to spend my New Year with my family and cousins, far away from my boyfriend, which of course was a big deal for both os us as we haven't spent any New Year away since the day we officially came into a relationship. But sometimes we need to embrace the distance than only we can truly understand the power of love. So finally we made peace with the decision and spent New Year with our respective friends and family, happily.

But I don't know why, since the beginning of the year, everything had been disappointing me. It was like a sharp mental uneasiness that was lingering everywhere I went. There had been highs and lows in my life, but this one had no particular reason. Honestly speaking, I had been living my best life for the past couple of months, especially for a melancholy person like me, who would find all possible reasons to be unhappy, the change was peculiar because I haven't seen myself happy for a long time. But suddenly, my so-happy-so-refreshing life was somewhat put on hold as the overanalyzing part of my brain was active again, flooding my mind with stagnant thoughts just like a dam releasing water not to nourish but to tear everything apart. And the consequences started affecting my face with the sudden onset of acne. It wasn't just acne, but some sort of irritation on my skin that I developed later on. Especially near the hairline area and on the temple. I didn't give it much of a thought because it was the onset of spring after a long, gloomy, cold winter, and I was pretty sure that it was just the change of season that was reflected on my face. Little did I know it was more than that. Although I have been used to getting acne, mostly hormonal, this acne wasn't anything hormonal. It was rooted deep inside me, which I realized after the hardship that I was about to endure in the coming months.

I didn't realize that my suffering would become so deep that I would have to find something to channel it positively. I am no beauty expert or a Reiki healer as such. I am just an ordinary person like you who wanted to share my part of the story because it was too much for me to carry alone. I am not here to teach or to preach. I am here to unleash my guilt-free, unadulterated, unfiltered thoughts about life. Because sometimes there is much more behind the story that we tend to overlook from time to time.

And by the way, that irritated skin wasn't just a fleeting mark; it was something that was going to change the trajectory of my life.

I'll just keep some mystery alive, coz my friends, I have a whole chronicle to be shared.

Well, this is just the first thread. There are more knots, more colours, and more truths to come. Welcome to my kingdom, where no story is too small and none of them follow a straight line. Where motivation doesn't come from a six-month glow-up challenge, but from the terrible in-between, the part where we feel like giving up. So let's dive into my journey, where each day felt like a grey cloud that refused to move on.

With love

AY